Hannah MK

Finishing University : 15 of the delightful and less admirable things I learned about myself and others.

4 days ago,  I received my final exam results and found out I’ll be graduating with a 2:1 Bachelor of Sciences Honours degree in Consumer Behaviour and Marketing. For anyone familiar with a 2:1 Bsc Honours Degree, share my joy with me! After 3 years embellishing on one of the most important journeys of my life, I was…well…done. It was surreal. I knew, with every final assignment handed in, with every exam finished, right down to the day I handed in my dissertation, that I was closer to the finish line … but until my final results were handed over, the back of my mind remained unsettled.

To be honest, I was happier for my parents than I was for myself. Making them proud meant a lot more to me that the sense of personal achievement, which I’m, sure with sink in later. Nonetheless, I’m beyond grateful to God for a pleasant experience and even better outcome.

Screw a long introduction. Let’s be real and pretty open about what I discovered about myself (and others) during my 3-year stay at University. Not necessarily AT University but during those years of my life. Judge away if you please. All points below are indications of social (rather than academic) lessons I learned.

• I love meeting new people but very quickly weed out those I know I won’t be close to. At University, with every fresher being in the same [social] boat, clinging on to the edge and desperate to stay afloat, friendly faces were a given. I discovered that, hey, wait, despite being reserved all my life, I loved meeting and interacting with new people. Did I love staying in touch with all of them? No.
• I love and NEED “me” time. I made it a nightly ritual to snuggle up in my cocoon, put on some music and engage in one of the less physically demanding activities like, well, writing, trying on make-up, organising my underwear or just a little tea, biccies and movie sesh. Every night. To unwind. I had to. All the time. Alone.
• My family mean a lot more to me than I ever thought, although I believed this never to be possible. The distance between us encouraged thoughts of them more frequently than life had ever allowed me to experience prior.
• I was able to stay long periods of time with a man despite being afraid of committing to him. This is something I’d never done prior and never did post. I found it pretty interesting that it was, at one point in my life, something I was able and willing to do: Be with a man but refuse to attach labels and commitment to whatever the heck was going on.
• I can read the tiniest gestures painfully well. “Friends” whispered, giggled, nudged each other and exchanged petty glares either about me or others, totally unaware that I  notice more often than not. I knew all my life I am a little more observant than the average cat but Uni consistently re-assured me of this. I always loved the look on someone’s face when I pointed how much of their behaviour and I pay attention to.
• Friends can genuinely care about you. In our younger years, friends are rarely given opportunities to prove how much they care about you. A good luck text before an exam, a lunch-box of food brought to my room when I’m ill and the occasional painful truths opened me up to the soft spot friends had for me. It was the little things.
• A lot of guys cheat on their girlfriends. It’s comforting to find I find this surprising. It’s not something I was ever used to witnessing before I went to University. The statistics, which I hope and pray are exclusive to the environment I was in and age bracket I was amongst, were unsettling.
• Campus gossip doesn’t excite me. Now, in secondary school, that shit was juicy. It wowed us. My friends and I would exchange a story or two over a study break and exhale in delight a juicy piece of info could bring. On campus, I was at a point in life where I felt I.HAD.HEARD.IT.ALL.
• A little culture clash aided in the creation of one of the most interesting and genuine friendships I had ever experienced. I made friends with an Arab guy on my course who made clear that he didn’t approve of the clothes I wore. My jeans and riding pants, to him, bared all, inviting all men to accurately picture me naked. Not only were my clothes a problem, my braids confused him. He hadn’t a clue why and how I had attached single braids to my head. Furthermore, monogamy, I cherished, him?…not so much. However, I’ll never forget when he’d tell me he’d never forget me, ask for advice about his love life, have me skype his mother so she can thank me for tutoring him and send cute messages I’d laugh at after we’d have a heated argument.
• Huge friendship groups will always be plagued with false intentions, jealousy and silent competition. This includes males.
• What a man cannot get from you, he will search for shamelessly in your close friends. I lost respect for a few, not necessarily at my university, who would openly place their bets across a whole friendship group. The plus-side to witnessing this was how entertaining it was to watch men prance around in, what seemed to be, desperation. 
• I play my music too loudly: a very petite yet rather bold blonde young girl with rosy cheeks, age 12-13 clothes and probably size 3 feet taught me this little lesson about myself.
• Praying makes me feel safe. Not only did I need someone to confide in when the results of being secretive became overbearing, I also needed frequent reminders of the force above me, my God, always being there for me. 
• It takes for me to get all the bullshit out of system to fully reform my character. After engaging in a lot of things I am not proud of but beginning to witness the relevance of, I am finally a lot closer to the person I want to be.
• I am strong enough to know when to let go of special people. After battling for years with emotional ups and downs, for the first time in my life, I was faced with having to end one of the most special companionships I’d ever experienced in my life. I learned to let go of the fear of being without someone I had once vibed with on a level so organic and authentic to me. I learned not to hoard and cling onto good memories alone, as they will never be able to compensate for present negativity. I learned to be bold enough to just…let…go…To create space in my heart, soul and mind for new experiences.

I realise we’ve all already heard this but BOY, I can’t wait to review this!! I might even ask for help on this.

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Why Cole fans should never want to forget The Warm Up

J Cole and Charles Hamilton are the reasons I ever started becoming HAM on rap. I’ve only been a hardcore rap fanatic for about 5 years. Yes, I’d listened to rap all my life but never could be bothered to explore beyond what I was handed. At 15, I heard Charles Hamilton’s NewGirlfriendMusic and at 16, J Cole’s Losing My Balance … and that all changed. My ex boyfriend sent me a video of Cole’s raggedy ass and I was amazed. 

Now…we all know I’m not one to blog about new music but good music. 

The Warm Up, to all OG Cole fans, is incredible. And you know how I feel. 

It has 22 tracks and I’m struggling to pick out my least favourites. 20 SOLID tracks. Help me out here: Welcome, Can I Live, Grown Simba, Just To Get By, Lights Please, Dead Presidents II, I Get UP, World Is Empty, Dreams, Royal Flush, Dollar and a Dream, Water Break, Heartache, Getaway, Knock Knock, Ladies, Til Infinity, The Badness, Hold it Down, Last Call, Losing my Balance.

I mean, this mixtape represents hunger and patience. Most importantly, patience. We’ve all experienced mixtapes with the odd flimsy chart song. That song that must’ve given the artist a bit of a break from writing. Not with the Warm Up. The Royal Flush, for example, is just a freestyle but is in not way an empty space for a breather. The nostalgia associated with this mixtape is incredible. (I must sound extremely extra at this point). But I remember being an excited 16 year old and uploading this onto my iPod. And rapping in front of the mirror before school. My make up skills were so off-point, now I remember those days.

And, of course. I stanned on him for while. After almost 2 years of waiting, I’m glad I got to meet him when everyone was disappointed he was making an appearance at a club instead of Drake. I left my friends, took off my heels, changed into flats, told Omen to take me to him and finally got to tell J Cole how much his music meant to me…

I look like a baby…